November 2, 2016 is the day we exchanged our vows and fully committed ourselves to each other. Completely unaware of what the future may bring, we gave it all to God and watched Him transform us into one. In the beginning, It was not easy having to fully surrender and dedicate yourself to another person like that. The easy part was knowing that the “other” person was your other half. A match made in heaven! So whatever happened, we both knew that the heavens rooted for us. So, here we are, hitting a seventh year mark of being united in the bonds of holy matrimony. I say cheers to that!
Throughout our marriage, we’ve encountered several missteps. However, maintaining a growth mindset, we’ve learned and learned to reframe them into valuable lessons. It’s often said that the most profound learning comes from our own errors. Though we are not highly experienced in marriage and are eager to learn more, we would still love to share what actually works for us.
1.) God comes first.
This is a basic rule in most Christian homes but can be neglected in the midst of our busy lives. As the family expands, daily schedules become increasingly packed. Nevertheless, the triangle of marriage has to be preserved in order to have a healthy marriage. Jesus always comes first. Only after engraving this truth in our hearts can we achieve true peace and unity. Though it can be easily forgotten, sharing this message with our children keeps us grounded and sharp. Children's curiosity and questions serve as a valuable reminder of our priorities.
2.) Being loved vs being right.
What's more important: being loved or being right? One personal mistake I often make is striving to prove myself correct, but for what purpose? Instead of highlighting my spouse's errors, I need to focus on my own imperfections that could benefit from improvement. When we find ourselves in the midst of a conflict, it becomes crucial to be mindful and shift our mindset. Unfortunately, it requires great courage to be gracious, composed, and gentle in our approach. But I have faith in all of us. After all, the heavens are rooting for us. Let us love and be loved.
3.) Teamwork makes the dream work.
Teamwork is key when it comes to marriage and parenthood. We don't dwell on gender stereotypes; instead, we share equal responsibility for the functioning of our family. We both make an effort to contribute equally and support each other. Yes, we still each have our own specific duties that we can all agree on. Nevertheless, both take responsibility in constantly reminding our daughters that having a beautiful heart is far more important than a beautiful face. Being humble will earn them more brownie points with God than being prideful. All glory belongs to God and there is nothing we can attribute to ourselves. To summarize, our primary focus is on nurturing our children's spiritual, mental, and physical well-being, recognizing that it all begins with us.
4.) Family day, once a week.
We set aside Saturdays exclusively for quality family time. A typical Saturday looks like this: We start our day late in the morning, savoring our favorite morning beverages along with a leisurely breakfast that wasn't rushed. Next, we gather in our family room for Bible reading and prayer. Following this meaningful start, the day is ours to enjoy as we please. Whether it's lounging around while snacking, spending time in our neighborhood, or making last-minute plans without any stress, we make sure not to run errands on our family day. Chores are completed the night before, allowing us to relax fully and cherish each other's company.
5.) Taking care of one another.
Much easier said than done. Looking after each other can become quite challenging, especially after a long day of caring for our children at home and our patients at the clinic. By day's end, we often feel drained and worn out. Although that shouldn’t pull us away from one another.. We should rather experience tiredness together. Whether it’s chit chat over a hot cup of tea, or just silent relaxation during a show, we strive to end the day together. During relaxation, a friendly smile or an inviting glance goes a long way. Basically finding random little moments to connect.
We are not perfect, and we never will be. Our only hope is to rely on God's mercy every day. He has been merciful enough to bring us to today. As long as we are alive, we will strive to fulfill our potential as a couple and as parents. God help us all.
